Lessons from the Wine Capitol of the World

This post comes by way of Paris, where I am enjoying a vacation. There is truly more wine here than water and coca cola company soft drinks combined. In this magical place, I have learned a few lessons worth sharing:

1. Never Bring a Bottle of Wine to Dinner. Bringing wine to dinner in the U.S., is a common and polite contribution to a shared meal experience. However, experts here have told me that this same gesture in France is a slap in the face to any host. The host selects his/her wine specifically selected to accompany the meal served. Thus, a guest’s bottle exhibits how he/she has zero confidence in the host’s wine selection. Tip: Bring macarons instead.
2. Understanding French Wine Requires More Knowledge of France than Grapes. Just when I got used to thinking of wines in terms of different grapes or as blends of different grapes, Paris struck. Here, wines are referenced not by their grape ingredients, but by the region (or “appellation”) whence they came. When confronted with a “vins” menu, I’m not much helped by my knowledge that merlot is mild and fruity while cabernet franc is like liquid black pepper. I need to know what is made in Rhone, Burgundy, Languedoc, and other regions that are embarrassing to pronounce. Actually, I need to know were these places are.
3. This is a Land of Welcoming Experts. Everybody in Paris has internalized the steps of wine tasting: evaluate the wine with your eyes, nose, then mouth (always take 2 sips before judging your observations). They have internalized all of the lessons I have to consciously recall from wine tasting class—probably because they have been drinking wine since elementary school. This nonchalant expertise scared me at first. The server who poured wine I'd ordered at a restaurant seemed to scrutinize me as he watched me taste it—was this a test? Would he correct me? But then, I realized that this scrutiny was actually eagerness. French people were interested to see my American reaction to their wines. (They probably knew I would be impressed and say something dumb.)
4. There is Such a Thing as Bad French Wine. After tasting genuinely admirable and inexpensive wines, I assumed that no French wine could be bad. In the small ‘super’-market, I marveled at the selection of wines, which took up about 40% of the store real estate. Amidst the bottles for 8, 10, and 20+ Euros, I saw a bottle for 1.69 Euros. A “deux buck Charles”! Could this even be? Turns out that the saying ‘you get what you pay for’ holds true overseas. My cheap little French wine was so acidic it tasted like alcoholic Vinegar. Letting it breath didn't help. Oxygen only seemed to give it the kind of strength you wish your food would not have. The lesson? “Stick to wines at least 6 Euros or more.” said my Parisian friend.

I'm sure there are more lessons yet to come. But for now, at least I know to never bring cheap French wine to a Parisian dinner party, question why the grapes aren't written on the bottles or ask for privacy when tasting wine at a restaurant.